So the other day, I’m standing in the middle of the little shop I work in, the whole place is busy. There are 2 other staff members running the only 2 registers we have in our shop. Also, this is the type of shop where you can see pretty much everything and everyone from wherever you are in the shop, so at this point I’m looking around at all the customers.
Some are laughing together, some are showing excitement over some piece of merchandise and telling whomever they’re shopping with. Basically, everyone’s going about their business, nobody needs help with anything and all seems to be right with the world. Then a weird sensations falls over me.
The only way I can explain it is how I imagine someone would feel being in the music videos or movies where there’s a single character in the middle of a scene. This character remains unmoved and unchanged but the scenery and activity around them changes rapidly. That sort of feeling that you’re there but you’re not really.
Everything is fast and slow all at the same time. I’m looking at how everyone here seems to have no cares in the world. They all appear to be so secure in the moment, secure in life and I think to myself, “What is life really?” Everyone has something inside, some call it spirit, some call is soul, they’re all the same thing, you get the idea even though there are different labels.
My next thoughts go as follows: “How can everyone in this room be so secure in their lives when nobody understands what powers us?” “Nobody knows what happens after that light goes out either.” There are many guesses and many speculations but the facts are the nobody has solid proof.
I wasn’t thinking these things in a condescending way either. I wasn’t trying to point fingers at everyone else in the room as if to say, “How could they?!” It was simply thoughts, neutral, popping in and out of my mind while I was somewhat separate from everything, yet 100% in the very middle of it, all at the same time. My final thoughts were: “I wonder what actually happens when you die?”, “I wonder if the dead miss this, miss being alive?”, “I think I’m going to miss this when I die.”
Just then I’m snapped back into the store by a customer asking me a question. I don’t miss a beat, I help them with whatever it was and carry on with the day. An unsettled feeling stays with me the rest of the day and I tell me fiancé about the whole experience too. I don’t know what happened or what triggered such a thing but it was incredibly interesting.
What do you guys think happened? Has this ever happened to any of you? Do you think you’ll miss the rollercoaster of being alive?
Ashley Butler
ash1ey but1er 